Sex and sin are his business

Scan page 2

BEHIND THE LINES ‹ I wonder how many of you have been invited to a "condom roast?" Probably not many who read this paper. But last week in Waterbury, Conn., there was a "condom roast" staged by Monsignor Joseph Looney (I'm not kidding, that's his name) of the Sacred Heart Church.

Monsignor Looney, the pastor of the church and a Catholic priest, knows quite a lot about sin, sex, and condoms. Sex and sin are the business of priests and TV evangelists. What would they do without sin and sex, how would they earn their living, who would support these full-grown men for the whole of their lives unless they were experts on these two worldshaking issues?

Monsignor Looney held a "condom roast" in the parking lot of the Sacred Heart Church. The parishioners gathered there to hear his wise, Christian words. (It was not reported how many of the parishioners surrendered their condoms to the monsignor at the "burning.")

"We are criticizing the condomnation of America," Monsignor Looney told the crowd. And he hoped that "condom roasts" would spread to other churches. "Condoms mean cheap sex, yuppie love, calculated noninvolvement—they are a symbol, an instrument of denial, insulation from God and from one another.

"Sin taxes"

Fortunately, the burning of condoms did not actually take place—it was a symbolic burning which only involved the lighting of incense. Burning condoms probably smell like burning tires.

Father Looney said he decided against burning actual condoms because "we didn't want to pollute the air," and because "Catholics are allergic to condoms." He said, "I wouldn't come near one with a 10MikeKardo MPER NATO! foot pole."

The holy Father is calling upon Gov. O'Neil of Connecticut to support extension of the state's existing "sin taxes" (on cigarettes and alcohol) to include condoms. "The fornicators should take responsibility as well as the smokers and drinkers," said Father Looney, adding that there was a "denial aspect" in the use of condoms.

"There's one thing that's worse than sin and that is the denial of sin. Condoms make denial easier. They are a tax-funded cover-up when given out free in the hope of helping the poor." The good Father didn't say anything about the enormous tax breaks given the Catholic and other churches in the name of helping the poor.

AIDS prevention

The "denial aspect" of condoms spoken of by Father Looney is that "sinners" may not be "caught in the act" if they use condoms.

He could also point out that using condoms might prevent pregnancy of unmarried teenagers and prevent infants from being born with AIDS. East Coast hospitals are filling up with children born of mothers afflicted with AIDS. The majority of those little infants will never leave the hospital.

Also, Father Looney might add, using condoms might prevent the spread of other sexual diseases such as syphilis. By using condoms, adult people could engage in sexual activities without the fear of having an unwanted pregnancy too.

Father Looney deeply believes that people who "sin" must suffer-whether it is teenagers, infants, or just ordinary human beings. Father Looney's God demands full punishment.

Father Looney belongs in the you-know-what bin. He should be put away where he cannot inflic himself on other people.

On the other hand, maybe he should have the company of Louis Sullivan, the newly appointed Secretary of Health and Human Services, who says he will protect the health of women by demanding the overturn of Roe v. Wade (the 1973 Supreme Court decision which legalized abortion). These two beauties belong together—in the same padded cell.