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"I will not steal" is a subliminal message that is now piped into about 50 stores around the country, a congressional subcommittee was told. The message is played on a barely-audible sound tape, and is designed to gently keep shoppers honest. Personally we prefer Muzak, but now that it's business as usual, Macy's in San Francisco would have great success with the "don't steal" theme. Especially, if they beam it upstairs to management...

Remember all those movies about teenagers with nothing to do but hang around the local diner and worry about their future? Well, now they've been given something to do in Hollywood's latest moneymaker "Red Dawn."

It's the story of eight enterprising Horatio Algers who wage warfare contra-style when the Russians and Cubans invade their neighborhood drive-in. We'll stay home and wash the dishes, Folks who think "Red Dawn" is their cup of borsch should clip the coupon in last month's bulletin of the Khmer People's National Liberation Front. You, too, can now sponsor a rightwing terrorist in the war against the Kampuchean government! What will you get in return for the money you kick in? The bulletin responds, "A letter of thanks and a photograph of the sponsored KPNLF combatant with the personal gear you have pro"bull," Pope John Paul has banned class His Holiness gave the word to a conference "Postal workers are overpaid!" Postmaster General William Bolger screams to the press. He concedes, however, that his own salary of $82,900 is below "a proper level" for the job. But there's no truth to rumors that Bolger will go on strike for more money. Instead, he plans to retire on December 31 in return for a $62,000 bonus heaped on top of his regular pension Worry not, mail fans. Our dauntless General may be leaving, but the U.S. Postal Service will remain secure. According to the Manchester Guardian, the Postal Service has prepared a recorded message to be broadcast as soon as possible after a nuclear attack. The message specifies that patrons must be furnished an emergency change of address card...

And lest we give up the holy ghost in post-war America, the Pentagon runs a military chaplain's nuclear training course. Participants are cautioned that while giving the last rites it would be prudent to "wear gloves if possible, preferably rubber."

Nonetheless, chaplains are reassured by the Pentagon that "since nuclear science is a gift from God, it is inherently good." [ 1953: tive... thank you...

Boston Socialist Action vided."

P.O. Box 1046 GMF In his latest papal Boston, MA 02205 struggle for Catholics. of bishops that met on August 22 in Zimbabwe.

Buffalo Socialist Action P.O. Box 275 Buffalo, N.Y. 14207 Chicago Socialist Action Box 80 B 2520 N. Lincoln Chicago, IL. 60614 (312) 248-1094 Cincinnati Socialist Action P.O. Box 3033 Cincinnati, OH 45201 (513) 242-9043 Cleveland Socialist Action P.O. Box 6151 Cleveland, OH 44101 216) 429-2167 Milt Zaslow Solana Beach, Calif. Houston Socialist Action University of Housto Box 551, 4800 Calhol Houston, TX 77004 (713) 643-2030 Los Angeles Socialist 18653 Ventura Blvd Box 217 Los Angeles, CA 91356 (213) 343-4511 Michigan Socialist Action P.O. Box 4523 Ann Arbor, MI 48106 Minneapolis Socialist Acti P.O. Box 14087 Dinkytown Station Minneapolis, MN 55414 New York Socialist Action P.O. Box 20209 Cathedral Finance 693 Columbus Ave New York, NY 10025 their work in the unions." WHERE TO FIND US:

Phoenix Socialist Action P.O. Box 5161 Phoenix, AZ 85010 (602) 951-0354 Pittsburgh Socialist Action P.O. Box 10769 Pittsburgh, PA 15203 Puget Sound Socialist Actio P.O. Box 2903 Olympia, WA 98507 San Francisco Socialist Acti 3435 Army Street, Rm. 308 San Francisco, CA 94110 (415) 821-0458 Washington Socialist Action P.O. Box 3467 Washington, D.C. 2001( (202) 232-1481

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ACTION